Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
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my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
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