people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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