There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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