A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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