this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
