I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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