I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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