My room smells like vodka and shame
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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