I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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