Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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