My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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