she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this just has baby written all over it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
