and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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