He is an equal opportunity slut.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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