I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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