My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
