she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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