i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
