Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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