I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
