he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
