Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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