I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
