before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
