So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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