BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
