Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
