I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
