I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
