I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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