I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
