Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
