I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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