I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
