i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
