moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
