Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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