nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
