my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
