she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
