i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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