worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
