youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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