Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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