What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
