its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
