We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
