From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
