I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Panties = found
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
