I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I look better un-naked...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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