New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also, beer. Big fan.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
