im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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