Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
