They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
