alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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