I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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