Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
