Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
