oh god the rape fog is back!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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