he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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