Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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