I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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