oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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