I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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