3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We named our party play list daddy issues
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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