I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
